Non Reuben

I always fancied the famous Reuben sandwich, and was passing a local Bagel Mania, when I noticed it had been added to their ‘specials’ blackboard – of course, this meant I had to get one.

“You do a Reuben?” I checked.

“Yeah, but it’ll be 10 minutes or so” he waved to the queue of two.

“OK” I sat to wait.

Thirty minutes later, he looked up at me, expectantly.

“Yes, can I help you?”

“The Reuben” I reminded him.

“The Reuben?”

“Yes, The Reuben” it was dawning on me that something was wrong.

“Ah…” he started.

“You did say you did The Reuben when I asked earlier”

“Yes, we can do you a Reuben, but we’ve just run out of pastrami”

“Well, what happens then?”

“We can substitute corned beef”

“OK then”

He turned, and slowly began making the sandwich.

“Ooh, sorry, we don’t have sauerkraut, is coleslaw alright?”

“Er, well, no, leave it out”

“I’ll give you lettuce….oops, we don’t actually have corned beef, so how about roast beef with mustard instead?”

“Right, fine” I said resignedly.

So there you have it – my ambition to have an authentic Reuben sandwich, turned into a crap bagel with weird fillings instead. Plus he took 15 minutes to make it.

Punchline: He charged me for “The Reuben” – their most expensive sandwich.

“Why is it the most expensive sandwich?” I had asked.

“It’s because pastrami is so dear, and so is sauerkraut”


“Yes?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Never mind.”


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