From a bumped car to a nipple operation, modern life can certainly take unexpected plot twists.
Last year, my wife parked facing uphill, and took our children into our local public library. Subsequently, a car parked in front, and when its handbrake came off, rolled down and cracked the newly repaired bumper of my wife’s car. She knew that she couldn’t drive off without the other car rolling downhill into busy traffic and a shop front, so she called the police.
A couple of teenage midget police took an hour to arrive, then they spent another hour trying to find the owner or driver of the unbraked car. In the end Dumb and Dumber took the advice I gave my wife over the phone – to chock the wheels with bricks or whatever is to hand to allow her car to get away without it rolling downhill.
The insurance was claimed the next day, everything was in order, the owner of the car admitted guilt, yet it took 10 months to get the go-ahead for repair. Unbelievably slow.
The body-shop man took the car in, fitted a new bumper, and just before the car was uplifted, a high wind caught the driver’s door and smashed it to bits against his premises – many times by the look of it. He promised to order a new door.
A couple of weeks went by and we passed his place – at the weekend there – and discovered that he was in hospital for an operation. Preparing my sympathetic face, I asked if it was “serious”.
We were told that his nipples had become evermore painful, and there was a build up of squidgy fluid behind them.
He had developed small, painful breasts.And when he went to seek help, the medics immediately recognised that he had used steroids for body-building in his youth. This is a common thing, apparently.
He was taken in for surgery, and now we have to wait, and drive about a car wreck for a few weeks.
You couldn’t make this stuff up.
Only we could get a car out of a body shop in worse condition than it went in – and that the body-worker had been a boy body-builder on steroids.
Then again, perhaps like our car, he has come out of his bodyshop worse than he went in.